experiencing the existential crisis

I am having existential crisis {again!}

What is this crisis?
What am I doing with my life?
What am I supposed to be doing with my life?
What do I want to be doing with my life?

I feel time pawing at my heels, reminding me that a days work is not a life.
So much more to be experienced.


What do I want to do with this one and precious life? Think BIG, dream outloud, be outrageous. I give you permission to think outside the box . Forget about what others want for you. And, if you haven't yet decided, beware. At some point, someone is most likely going to decide for you. So, while you are still alive and able to make some good decisions, why not make your own list of lovely things you want to do with your life.
Whether you are twenty or four times twenty, it is never too late until you see the dirt on your face and the coffin closing its door.

Here is a partial list of my own:


- write for {at least} a month in Paris
- visit the temples of Japan
- shop the medina markets of morocco
- sit with a Buddhist master and learn ancient techniques that lead to enlightenment {I would need a whole lifetime for this, but a glimpse would be welcome too}.
- Speak fluent Italian {which most certainly would require me to live in Italy!}
- Take a two week vacation with my love on a secluded beach with clear, warm water
- Publish a personal art book
- Do a public art installation
- Sell my house and rent a charming cottage with a deep bathtub and a fireplace
- Live within my means
- Pay all of my financial obligations and debt down to zero, and have a security savings
- Get up in front of a group of at least 50 people and enjoy the experience. I might flip or I might flop, but until I do it, I will never know.
- Stand up in a group of women and share my entrepreneurial enlightenment. What has worked, where I have bombed, why I encourage them to follow their dreams and always listen to their heart.
- see the world through a child's eyes just for a day. Daily adoption. Now, there's a concept! For those of us who are not quite ready or time has fleeted to care for a child full-time, why not spend a day with a child who needs a home and offer them the love of someone who cares.
- clean out my closets and keep only a few things that I absolutely love. This might involve a complete purge and a trip to Donna Karan's Urban Zen {hey, I said dream big!}
- take a japanese ink brush class with Kaz Tanahashi {I have signed up twice and never made it}. This should be at the top of my list.
- learn to stand up straight, good posture makes me feel good.


What am I waiting for?



copyright 2009 Alisa Barry

guardrails & guides

I need guardrails. The kind that keep me out of a ditch and on the road of life. They are my signaling system to warn me if I am meandering down the wrong path and headed into a danger zone.

I have many guardrails. They are the daily rituals that help keep me sane and centered, focused and fulfilled.
My daily writing practice is one of those rituals. It has been several days since I last posted, thanks to a lack of internet access {I am in a remote location} and a self-indulgent hallpass to stay at home and be with my family instead of venturing out to seek a signal like an addict scouring for whatever feeds her vice. It felt good to let go, but I also missed my writing. Sure, I could have written on paper and posted it later {now that I think about it!} , but there is something about routine, when ritualized, that turns it into a sacred ceremony.

It is holy and feeds me wholly.

Meditation is another one of my daily rituals that acts as both guardrail and guide. I haven't mastered more than ten minutes at a time. I know the real gem of the practice is just showing up- getting on the cushion. It keeps me on track and offers me words of wisdom- a wise guide whispering in my ear.

I missed my practices and I can feel the longing. I can also feel the tension simmering just below the surface knowing I am leaving this warm haven of ocean blue gulf of mexico paradise to head back home to lots of work. I am going to take some of this sunshine back home to remind me that this is really why life matters most.




copyright 2009 Alisa Barry